Christmas Shopping at the County Fair
The Northwest Georgia Regional Fair was in town this past week, and I was disappointed at how few of my friends took advantage of this roving Fall ritual. Yes, the tickets are expensive, and yeah, the rides are probably not the best idea for those of you with back problems or weak stomachs, but there are so many things to do at the fair besides ride the rides.
The fair is the place to be if you enjoy high-stakes BINGO games. It hosts beauty pageants that determine whose 18-month-old daughter looks best in a spray tan and backless gown, and the livestock exhibit features more blue ribbon farm animals than you could shake an electric cattle prod at.
Over the years my family and I have seen professional wrestling, we have ridden a camel, and we enjoyed the opportunity to see Okefenokee Joe perform live – all without leaving Gordon County. If you’re still not convinced that the fair is worth the price of admission, I have just two more words for you: Christmas shopping.
There are gifts and novelties to be purchased/won at the fair that simply cannot be acquired anywhere else, and since the fair typically comes to town in the Fall, it is the perfect opportunity to get a jump on your Christmas shopping. Here are a few of my top picks.
For the Confederate Fashionista
Got a girlfriend who loves “states’ rights” but hates visible panty line? Check out this Dixie Girls thong. For six bucks you can make her wish to be “in the land of cotton” come true. And before you ask, yes, they come in XXXL.
For the Foodie
Catalogs such as Williams-Sonoma charge a fortune for high-end pastries, hors d’Oeuvres, teas and meats, but you don’t have to break the bank to make the food-lover in your life feel special this Christmas. Many items prepared fresh at the fair such as “Chocolate-Dipped Cheesecake” and “Pork Wings,” even “Mexican Street Corn” (i.e. corn on the cob covered in mayo and chili powder) will freeze well and go for half the cost of similar items sold by gourmet food retailers. Buy now, then thaw them out just in time for the gift giving season.
For the Interior Designer
Money equals class. We know this to be true. What classier gift could you present to that friend who loves to decorate than this giant 100-dollar bill pillow? And don’t worry, it only looks expensive. Sure, it looks like a Benjamin, but you’ll only have to invest in a Jackson’s-worth of darts to win this opulent throw pillow.
I want to get a head start on my gift-wrapping, so I am going to let Okefenokee Joe close us out with his song, “Thats How a Gator Has Fun.” And yeah, the CDs for sale on his site would make great stocking stuffers.