How to Make a Candy Bar for just $35.00
Candy bars. You love ‘em, right? Who doesn’t? But why go to all the trouble of finding a store that sells them (i.e. every store in existence, plus every business everywhere, once you factor in vending machines), and why put up with the exorbitant cost (i.e. 75 cents) when you could just make your own?
With the Chocolate Bar Maker, you can, and it wont cost you but thirty-five dollars. Here is how.
Start by buying the Chocolate Bar Maker kit. It retails for about $18.99, but if you’re a savvy shopper like my daughter, you can find it for about fifteen bucks at an after Christmas clearance sale.
Next, buy a six pack of Hershey bars. This item runs for around $3.50, and if you… wait, what? Oh, you thought there was going to be actual chocolate in the chocolate bar maker? Oh, you naive little thing. I swear, that is just precious. No, the chocolate is not included.
Where was I? Okay, so to the $15.00 you’ll pay for the kit (which consists of a couple of silicone molds and a squirt bottle), and $3.50 you will spend on the “plain” chocolate bars called for in step one of the instructions, add $2.00 for sugar wafers, jelly beans, peanuts, or whatever other snack you choose for the purpose of enhancing and improving upon the otherwise “plain” taste of the chocolate. And now you’re up to what, $20.50?
Okay, now factor in an additional eight dollars to the sub-total, because this squirt bottle, this “Easy Squeezer,” is pretty challenging to control. You’re going to have to get both your blouse and slacks dry cleaned.
While the new, still-in-the-mold candy bar (which your child created by breaking and melting a perfectly good candy bar) sets up in the fridge, tidy up. The sugar wafer isn’t going to fit in the mold. You will have to saw, trim and shape it with a serrated knife, and the breeze generated by your sighs of frustration will carry the sugar wafer sawdust through the air like anthrax. There will also be jelly beans to pick out of the vent return, and lots of tiny, threaded and oddly shaped parts to the “easy squeeze” bottle that will have to be hand-washed. The cost of this will vary greatly based on: a) the speed with which you clean, and b) the hourly rate which you earn at work. I’m going to conservatively estimate that the time you spend cleaning will be worth $6.50.
So there you have it. Just find a retailer that sells the Chocolate Bar Maker, and two hours and $35.00 later, you’ll be enjoying this:
Try spending $35.00 on ready-made chocolate at a store and see what it gets you: