talking to strangers Category

Billy Joel for President

A Billy Joel song came on in Office Depot this afternoon, and I’ll be dogged if the entire store, staff and clientele alike, didn’t break out into song. This is likely the closest I’ll ever come to witnessing a flash mob, and I want to tell you about it.   I was at the counter […]

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I am Not Responsible for the Smell in this Restroom

At some point in my early twenties, older friends and relatives began sharing with me the myriad advantages I should expect with the onset of middle age. A coworker named Debbie once told me that, at the age of forty, I would stop caring what other people thought of me. On another occasion, Aunt Sharon […]

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Trascriptions of a Pair of Messages Left on our Answering Machine Today

Saturday 5:15 PM Uh… Hey. Yeah. This is (name omitted). I don’t know who this is. I think it’s McDonalds. Uh… Me and my husband was at, uh, my daddy’s funeral. We come by there to get us somethin’ to eat, and they messed our order. All. Up! I would appreciate it if I could […]

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I Was Run Down at the Belmont Avenue Kroger

Whatever I would have expected her to look like, the woman who would ultimately run me down over two pounds of chicken tenderloins at the Belmont Avenue Kroger, this was not it. She looked slow. Not intellectually disabled slow. More of an I’m on vacation-style of slow. It was the cautious steps she took with […]

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Steven’s Blood Pressure, Rachel’s Ambivalence about Christianity, and the Secrets Tucked Away in Used Books

I don’t know Steven from the man in the moon, but I do know his blood pressure. It is 142 over 94 (or it was in May of 2004). I know this because I just bought a used cookbook from Amazon.com, and Steven left a bit of his medical information tucked between its pages. I […]

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My Character Was Grossly Misjudged at the Belmont Avenue Kroger

“If I forget to ask you to donate to Susan G Komen For the Cure You get a Coke FREE!!” I am not petty enough to call out a minimum-wage worker on a promotion like this, so I don’t have the comped bottle of soda to prove it, but I was not asked to make […]

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Shady Goings-On at “Pap-Aw’s Closet”

Maybe a drug deal was about to take place. Perhaps “Pap-Aw” is a bookie. I don’t know. I was just there to buy a few more chairs. A little background before I get into the sketchiness I’ve just witnessed… “Pap-Aw’s Closet” is thrift store on the west side of town. It looks very much like […]

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“Any reason why you were going so fast?”

I was pulled over during my afternoon commute today. It happened two blocks from my home, and right in town for everyone to see. The officer walked slowing to my car. He looked into my open window and smiled. “Good afternoon, ma’am.” “Afternoon,” I answered. He was very young and handsome, this police officer. Great […]

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The Hot Guy I Met at the Pool

I attract a lot of attention when I don a swimsuit. A lot of unwanted attention. From guys. My trip to the pool last Saturday was no exception. I was down at Orange Beach last weekend. My family and I. Getting a little r & r. I had taken my son to the condo’s pool […]

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How I Made Zero Dollars In Just Three Days with Facebook’s “Calhoun Yard Sale” Group

So you get the gist of what happened here just from having read the title of the post, but I’ll enumerate. I joined a local Facebook group where members buy and sell used stuff. Pit bull puppies. Decorative ceramic figurines of Indian chiefs. Used engagement rings. The complete series of “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman” on […]

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