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I am Not Responsible for the Smell in this Restroom

At some point in my early twenties, older friends and relatives began sharing with me the myriad advantages I should expect with the onset of middle age. A coworker named Debbie once told me that, at the age of forty, I would stop caring what other people thought of me. On another occasion, Aunt Sharon […]

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Needy

Mrs. George is dressed in a tomato-red track suit, hospital-issued non-skid socks, and a pair of black leather clogs. She stands in her front yard between a large leaf-filled trashcan and a stool she has fashioned from an inverted five-gallon bucket. As she leans over to pick up a stick, one gnarled hand gripping the […]

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Does This Bathrobe Make Me Look Old?

My 10:30 am patient is still completing paperwork over in registration. The radiology techs, in matching grey scrubs, are chatting amongst one another as they work. Busily completing some documentation, I have all but tuned them out when something is said which catches my attention. “…and I sort of want one,” a rad tech says […]

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Orthopedic Birthday Shoes

“What do you want for your birthday?” Mom asks. On the surface, this is a straightforward question requiring an equally-straightforward answer. Beneath the veneer of our casual conversation, however, the proceedings of a nuanced negotiation have just been set into motion. Women and their mothers; they don’t chat. They play Chess. Mom’s goal is to […]

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Twenty One Cheetos, Celeste Corcoran, and “Different Beginnings”

Did you know that one serving of the crunchy Cheetos consists of “about 21 pieces.” It’s true. I Googled it Monday during lunch while eating Cheetos. I counted out 21 pieces. I assembled them onto a napkin and took a picture so that I could show you. Limiting oneself to such a pittance of cheese […]

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Flammables to the Face

(photo credit: scientificamerican.com) My haul at Ulta this week included a red, attention-grabbing bottle of “Big Sexy Hair”-brand mousse and a shade of eye shadow called “Sex Kitten.” I placed these items on the counter so that the cashier, Kaitlyn, could scan them. “Do you have an Ulta card?” Kaitlyn asked. “I don’t.” I babysat […]

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The Thing About These Snowflakes

“Nature is full of genius, full of the divinity; so that not a snowflake escapes its fashioning hand.” – Henry David Thoreau I am extremely sentimental about our Christmas tree ornaments. You’re shocked, I’m sure. Todd and I have a souvenir ornament from every vacation we have taken since our honeymoon in ’98, and I […]

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Renewed

(photo credit: trendiego.blogspot.com) The federal government may have shut down today, but the state employees at the Department of Motor Vehicles were hard at it. They have a bad reputation, the girls at the DMV, and I think it is unfair and totally misplaced; a “shoot the messenger”-type situation. They had a room full of […]

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