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A Mediocre Mother and the Back-to-School Rush

Last week, all the good mothers took their children to get back-to-school haircuts. I meant to, but I got busy painting the guest bathroom. I may take them later this week. Or next. Last week, all the good mothers starting putting their children to bed a little earlier in an effort to ease into the […]

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Punishment

Never in the history of parenthood has a single declarative sentence been so fraught with loopholes. The sentence is this: No television or playing outside with friends this afternoon. Today, in a solar eclipse of juvenile delinquency, both of our children managed to earn the same punishment. The girl failed to be ready for school […]

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Outgrowing Santa: A Timeline

Santa is for us. For parents. He was conceived by and is perpetuated because of Moms and Dads. I offer up to you, as exhibit A, a photograph taken during my daughter’s first visit with Santa Claus in 2003. Look at that infant in Santa’s arms. She doesn’t know who he is. Or who she […]

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Elephant Cloud

(photo credit: Flicker) “Look at that cloud,” Todd said. “It looks exactly like an elephant.” And I saw it immediately. Typically, when someone points out an image he has spotted in the clouds, I have to tilt my head. I have to squint. I have to clarify which cloud I’m meant to be inspecting, this […]

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How to do Ten Minutes of Pilates in Just Under an Hour: A Timeline

A strong core is important for maintaining back heath, balance, and overall strength for sports and leisure activities. Many people, pulled as they find themselves to be by home and work obligations, feel they do not have time to devote to core strengthening. If you’re one such person, let me share with you a great […]

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Dad is Her Favorite: A Heartbreaking Examination of My Daughter’s Early Writings

I am not the favorite parent. Please, don’t feel awkward about my confession. And don’t try to tell me otherwise. It is the honest truth. I have known for years. It was spelled out for me, with accompanying color illustrations, when my daughter, Carrie, started kindergarten in 2008. The picture above is the first work […]

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The Nine Positions on a Tee Ball Team

It’s all over but the end-of-the-season pizza party, folks. William just had his last tee ball game. (Like a boss.) Tee ball season is my favorite time of year. It isn’t that I particularly enjoyed playing softball as a child. Truth be told, I was the worst girl on the team. In the interest of […]

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Ninjas, Rainbow Ponies, and Kindergarten Friendships as Dress Rehearsal for Marriage

My son’s closest friend is a girl. Their friendship has little to do with common interests and everything to do with convenience. They have adjacent backyards. It is the kindergarten equivalent of being cubicle mates. I intentionally refrain from calling this neighbor his “girlfriend.” It is sort of a pet peeve of mine, people imposing […]

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Pointless Queries Prior to Siri

I hold within my maternal soul a strong conviction that these children I’ve brought into the world should feel safe in asking me anything, but must they feel compelled to ask me everything? Honest to goodness, the pointless things these kids ask. While I am reasonably comfortable with most any sensitive topic they broach, the […]

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The Story of Saturday Mornings (as told through the questions my son asks)

Are you awake? Are you getting up? When are you gonna get up? What if you slept all day? Where’s Dad? Where’s the iPad? Is it charged? Are you in there? Are you peeing? Can I come in? Why? Can you see my hand under the door? Can I have the iPad after her? What […]

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