cooking Category

Trascriptions of a Pair of Messages Left on our Answering Machine Today

Saturday 5:15 PM Uh… Hey. Yeah. This is (name omitted). I don’t know who this is. I think it’s McDonalds. Uh… Me and my husband was at, uh, my daddy’s funeral. We come by there to get us somethin’ to eat, and they messed our order. All. Up! I would appreciate it if I could […]

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I Was Run Down at the Belmont Avenue Kroger

Whatever I would have expected her to look like, the woman who would ultimately run me down over two pounds of chicken tenderloins at the Belmont Avenue Kroger, this was not it. She looked slow. Not intellectually disabled slow. More of an I’m on vacation-style of slow. It was the cautious steps she took with […]

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How to Make a Candy Bar for just $35.00

Candy bars. You love ‘em, right? Who doesn’t? But why go to all the trouble of finding a store that sells them (i.e. every store in existence, plus every business everywhere, once you factor in vending machines), and why put up with the exorbitant cost (i.e. 75 cents) when you could just make your own? […]

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The Perfect Bacon Bowl

My fellow Americans, let us hang our collective heads in shame. I just returned from a trip to the local Wal-Mart, and guess what they now carry: bacon bowl makers. Have you heard of the “Perfect Bacon Bowl?” I had not until today, but the box says as seen on TV, so I suppose some […]

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Looking for Dates

I hesitate to post this, because I worry you’ll think I’m making the story up. Let me assure you that this is as true as anything I’ve written. This evening, while shopping at the Kroger on Hwy 53, an older woman (late 70s, red Capri pants, a comfy pair of Clarks on her feet) ran […]

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Made in China: Poultry Edition

Watch this skit for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAlWrT5P2VI (media credit: IFC, Portlandia) I can’t tell you how many times I have laughed over this since it aired. How many times Michele has, over a plate of chicken tacos, joked that “His name was Colin.”. The couple in this video. God love them. Do you know these two […]

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Bringing the Block Party Indoors

One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2013 was to get to know my neighbors better. I had intended to check this off the list pretty promptly by having a New Year’s brunch sometime in January, but I never got around to it. Once that first page of the calender flipped, I revised my plan […]

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A Case for Regular-ol’ Cake

As a general rule, I prefer cakes baked by 70 year old women or, at the very least, baked with their recipes. These girls know what’s good. When given the opportunity to choose a dessert at a pot luck, I always go with the cake on the most out-of-style pan; a casserole dish in Corning […]

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Going Out of Business

“Ginger’s Grocery” is going out of business. I am referencing not my blog “Ginger’s Grocery,” but the little convenience store for which it is named. I went into “Ginger’s” Tuesday morning to get myself a biscuit on the way to work. This is a treat I allow myself once per week (unless I have PMS, […]

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FORKS: A Mnemonic Device for Setting the Table (as explained by my nine-year-old)

photo credit: http://www.flickriver.com This evening my daughter was watching her father as he hastily set the table. With a studied tone, she offered a bit of advice. “Dad, if you want to set the table the right way, you just gotta remember ‘FORKS.’” Todd had remembered forks. Forks were, in fact, the very utensils he […]

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